


Right in Front of Us

by orphan_account



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awesome Ray, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Bisexual Ray Palmer, Boys In Love, Dorks in Love, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nate Questions Everything A Lot, Nate-Centric, Not Rushing Into Anything, Panic Attack, Pansexual Nate Heywood, Pining, Sara Lancel Knows, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, barely there, like a lot, not really - Freeform, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:13:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8993737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A/N: I've like two prompts for SteelAtom (a nice anon requested them on tumblr when I asked for SteelAtom prompts, someone who've read my fics, I think this one) so I'd be working on those. Should be fun. And I honestly want to read a rewrite of S2 LoT with a SteelAtom's focus, so I'm going to write it. Those fics are always so amazing.Come talk to me on tumblr





	1. Part One

It had been so long, _too long,_ since he felt this way about someone. The last time he felt this way was in Feudal Japan when he met Masako. That _connection_ he had with Masako was never that strong since he knew that nothing could ever happen between them. He had hoped he could bring her with him or something like that, but that was just wishful thinking.

But what he felt for Masako didn’t measure up with his feelings for Ray.

His feelings for Ray were complicated to say at the best. It _wasn’t_ as if he was scared of getting rejected by Ray. He wasn’t. He just didn’t had it in him to say them out aloud. He was never good at that kind of thing, anyway.

Not really.

And what he had heard about Ray and Kendra’s relationship, well, he wasn’t sure if Ray was ready to even consider a relationship with another teammate, or another person, for that matter. Sure, there was the whole sexuality issue, like would Ray be okay with dating another guy? But that wasn’t _even_ that big on his list. He’d be okay with Ray’s decision either way. It might hurt a lot, but he can deal with that.

Not saying anything, now, that was something he didn't want to do. He didn’t want to let Ray go, without even knowing if there could be something between them. He had _let_ so many of his crushes go unnoticed because he didn’t had the courage to say anything. He didn't want to go down that road with Ray.

Ray _was_ too darn tootin’ important to him and he wasn’t going to let the connection he felt they share go to a waste if he can help it.

Nate sighed as he stared at the full glass of scotch in front on him. A _drink_ or _two_ wouldn't hurt, right? He could just have a little sip to calm his nerves down. It’d make everything so much easier for him. He could really tell Ray how he felt without freezing up, or getting too flustered, or making a fool out of himself. Plus, it will help with rejection, if that come about.

_No_. He shook his head. He wasn’t going to do that. He wanted to be all there when he told Ray how he felt about him, and god knew, he couldn’t handle his liquor that well.

_That scotch looked pretty strong,_ he decided, f _rom its strong smell._

He lifted the glass to his nose just to check if he wasn’t thinking all wrong about this and nearly choked at the smell. Yep, he made the right decision.

He took a deep breath, compressed himself, and tried to calm his nerves before he left to visit Ray at his work area.

_Yeah, he was good_ , he decided, as he started to walk. Then his nerves started to freeze up on him until it became too hard for him to breathe. _Calm down_ , he gently told himself, _this isn’t the first time you’ve told someone how you felt about them. You’ll be fine._

But what if he made a fool out of himself when he told Ray about his feelings? What if Ray thought his feelings were a joke? What if he made it seemed like it was a joke? What if … oh, god, he was being buried alive by his thoughts. _You can do this_ , he reminded himself, _just don’t think about it._

That worked for a little while until he started to panic again. Nate felt his lungs closing in on him. His chest heaved on him, and oh, god, he couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t how his confession was supposed to go. The _unwanted_ thoughts swirled around his brain, like buzzing flies, and wouldn’t leave him until he fell on the floor, and started to curl up on himself.

They wouldn’t stop!

He put a hand over his ears to stop them. They were so loud. Oh, so loud. He couldn’t flipping stop them. They were driving him insane.

Why did he had to start panicking now? He had made his mind up, and now that all was for nothing. Ray was never going to know about his feelings if he couldn’t control himself.

Gosh, he really needed to understand his emotions better before he made such an impactful decision.

“Nate?”

Oh, god, Ray?

_Don’t be Ray. Please don’t._ He can’t deal with that. Ray wasn’t supposed to see him like this. He already made a fool of himself.

Of course,Ray wouldn't think anything of this, but Nate didn't want him to see him this way. He wanted to be strong but his panic got the upper hand already.

He took his hands off his ears, slowly broke away from the uncurled position he was in, and tried to sit up. But he fell back on the floor. His ears were still buzzing. His eyes felt so heavy. And his chest was heavy with pain and all of these _unwanted, undesired_ thoughts.

Ray took a seat next to him on the floor. “You okay?” His eyes were so concerned, so thoughtful, and so beautiful. Nate wanted to get lost in them forever.

“Yeah,” he replied back breathlessly, “I’m good.”

Ray placed a hand on Nate’s back to support him to a sitting position. “You don’t look okay.”

“Yeah. Just had one of those moments. I’ll be good in a few secs.” He tried to smile and not to lean back into Ray’s touch. Ray’s hand on his back felt so wonderful. He wanted Ray to never take his hand off him.

Ray eyed him worriedly. “Yeah, so, what, uh, brought that on? Something happened on the ship? Or?”

He hadn’t taken his hands off Nate’s and Nate felt so thankful.

“Uh, no, it’s nothing.” He tired to catch his breath. “I’m sorry if I had bothered you.”

Ray smiled warmly at him. “No, you didn’t. I, uh, was spending too much time in that room anyway.”

“Yeah.”

After a few minutes, he felt okay, and he was so thankful for Ray to not question him any further more about his episode.

“So,” Ray began after a while; his hand was still on Nate’s back, “want to grab some food? Might still have some of that Thai food leftover.” The rose in Ray’s cheek started to get redder. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Huh? Nate blinked. Ray did not just blush? That wasn’t … no, Ray was naturally an easily flustered person. He was reading too much into this.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, even though the butterflies in him rose up at an alarming rate.

“Great.” Ray beamed at him.

Ray offered a hand to him when he started to get up.

“Thanks,” he said as he accepted his offer.

Ray’s hand was surprisedly warm, soft, and it felt right when his hand was in his. Of course, he wasn’t going to refuse that kind of _right._

He wasn’t going to tell Ray how he felt about him. Not right now. But he will, later on.

“No problem.” Ray smiled at him. “You look like you needed it.” He shrugged. “I was just helping.”

“Yeah, thanks, anyway.”

Ray smiled at him again. They walked side by side until Ray stopped and then shook his head.

“Did you have something you wanted to say?”

“No,” he said as soon as the question was asked.

“Okay.”

Nate felt himself relaxing in Ray’s presence, and call him crazy, but maybe, just a tiny bit, he believed that Ray felt the same way about him. The thought made him smile.

 


	2. Part Two

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ray asked him, as he popped the dish into the microwave. “You don’t have to, but it, uh, looked pretty serious.”

Nate stared at the floor. Was it always that _clear?_ He lowered his gaze to the floor until he saw his own reflection. Huh, that was weird. He never had noticed that before.

“Right.” Ray’s voice pulled him out of his weird obsession with the floor. “You don’t want totalk about it. I get that. I’m here, you know, if you ever want to talk.”

“It’s nothing,” he said awkwardly and scratched the back of his head. “But I might take you up on that offer sometime.”

Ray smiled at him and pulled out two beers out of the fridge. “Great, I’d like that.”

He gave one to Nate and placed the other on the table. Nate stared at the beer and as he reached to take it; his hands started to shake. Not a lot. But it was there. He only hoped Ray hadn’t noticed it. God, Ray had actually ‘witnessed’ him going through a full blown out panic attack already.

He can’t do worse than that, can he?

“Yeah, me, too.” Nate smiled even though he felt his heart beating crazily against his chest. Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum-tsh. And his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. _Oh, god, this wasn’t good._ “So, can’t sleep?”

“Not really.” Ray jumped at the ‘ding’ of the microwave. “Sorry. I think spending all that time in the lab isn’t good for me.” He laughed nervously and placed a hand on his heart.

“Yeah.” He felt his whole body vibrating. _Oh, god,_ he thought, as his eyes got slightly wider, _this was bad._ “I do the same when I’m researching history. I get it. It’s hard to get out when you’re that deep into your research or whatever,” he finished, as another tremor took over his body.

Ray placed the dishes on the counter and rushed over to him. God, he was discovered. He was already ruining this. 

Sometimes, he wished he had better control over his ‘panic attacks.’

_But he didn’t._

This _was_ bad. 

It ruined something that could have happened between him and Ray; tonight was the big test and he had failed.

“You okay?”

He blinked. Once, twice, thrice before he saw the outline of Ray’s perfect body, too lost in focusing on controlling the small tremors taking over his body.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he reassured Ray, but the concern marring Ray’s features never left. Ray’s hold tightened on his shoulder. “It’ll pass. I’m used to it.”

Ray looked at him with those warm, soft, beautiful brown eyes of him. “Should I get Gideon or Sara or—”

“No, I’ll be okay.” Nate stopped him by placing his hand over Ray, and, oh, god, a shiver ran down his spine. The good kind. It felt right. Ray’s hand was so warm, so soft, oh, so flawlessly soft; he was in heaven.

He sighed contently. This was what was missing in his life; what he needed. God, why couldn’t he have this in his life? It was perfect. Probably too perfect.

He closed his eyes and he had never felt more peaceful as he did right now.

“You had me worried for a moment—” Ray’s relieved voice made him open his eyes. “Want to talk about it?” He titled his head so that he can see Nate better. “Right, you don’t. Okay. So, I guess this ends out little late night da—snack.”

Nate opened his mouth but the closed it. Ray did not say ‘date.’ He was probably kidding, but Ray didn’t kid around about things like this, from what he had heard about the guy and known, too, personally.

He shook his head. No, he probably heard that wrong or something. That had to be it.

Then he took in the other half of what Ray said. He drew his lower lip between his teeth. Had he already screwed up? He made Ray feel uncomfortable, didn't he?

“I get it,” Ray started and removed his hand from Nate’s shoulder. He shivered at the loss of warmth. “You need to be by yourself now—”

“No.” And in a moment of thoughtlessness, he placed his hand on Ray’s shoulder. “I’m still hungry.” He didn’t actually feel hungry at all. “And I like having you here.”

Ray grinned brightly at him. “Okay, yeah?” he asked as a matter-of-fact and then his expressed dulled a little. “But you sure you’re okay? I don’t want to actually pry, but it, uh, looked seriously. At the hallway and now here.”

Nate swallowed painfully; the room started to get unnaturally hot now that the very thought of Ray wasn't offering him any comfort anymore. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Ray said unsurely, but he didn’t push it any further. Or so Nate hoped. Nate relaxed a little at the thought. “I’ll wait until you get better before we eat.”

“Okay, thanks.” He really didn’t had to do that, but Nate was really glad he did, because he could bask into the comfort embedded in Ray’s. “You didn’t had to do that, you know?”

“Yeah, I want to. It’s only fair since it’s our midnight da—get-together? As friends.” He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. He muttered something that Nate didn’t quite catch. 

“Yeah.” His heart sunk at ‘friends.’ But it was okay. He can be friends. “Yeah,” he repeated as he brought the bottle to his lips, savoring the bitter taste of the beer.

It took him a good twenty minutes before he was himself again. The beer helped. And Ray’s beautiful, bright, big smile helped, too.

“You good now?” 

Ray eyed him warily. He wasn’t surprised that Ray stuck around. He was a good friend, a good man, a good person; he would never leave when someone needed his help unless he really had to. He might even find a way around that, too. That was _just_ Ray.

“I want to make sure you’re feeling okay?” Ray continued, trying his hardest not to look concerned or worried. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk about it. Or probably want to be reminded of it, or ... okay I guess I’ll stop now.” 

He did. 

He got up and reheated the food. Got Nate another beer.  And he hadn’t even touched his beer. 

Oh.

Nate felt bad that he made Ray feel this worried about him. He hadn’t meant this to happen. It just happened. His life was now filled with unpredictable things. 

“So, you want the soup or the rice?” Ray picked up the containers and stared at them before he brought them over to the table Nate was at. “‘Coz I’m okay with whichever one you want.”

“We can share?” Nate’s weird brain had to suggest that. They had never shared food yet. They were friends, but not that good of friends, as of yet. “I didn’t mean that. I—”

“No, that’s fine. I don’t mind,” Ray shushed him with his warm, giddy voice. “I’d actually feel better sharing than choosing because they’re both so good.”

“Yeah. Got to thank Mick for treating us to this.”

He nodded.

He then laughed and it was so perfect. It was always perfect. He was the picture of pure sunshine and rainbows and all that good stuff. And Nate was that kid who always wanted to catch those things, but could never, because it was impossible.

Nate felt Ray’s eyes on him as he ate — a quick glance here and there — and he swore Ray was blushing most of the times. But that can't be it, right?

He was so confused. Was Ray actually attracted to him or something? No, he was just a naturally flustered guy. That was all. Yeah, that was exactly it.


	3. Part Three

Ray would smile at him every often or so, and not his normal smile, but a soft, deep longing smile. It warmed his heart every flipping time. Seeing Ray smiling like that just for him only strengthened the connection he felt they shared.

Doing something about it, now, that was something else altogether. He couldn’t just go and confess his feelings, or be less dramatic, and ask Ray out. He feared he may ruin this thing between them, or, well, their friendship, if he was wrong about this, and, he definitely didn't want that.

“Hey,” Ray greeted him, reaching for his hand, but then pulling it back immediately. “Want to work on my suit with me? I … don’t …” Ray laughed nervously, as he wetted his lips. “It’d be nice to have you there.”

Nate looked up from the book he had been staring at blankly for the last hour or so. “Yeah, sure.”

Ray smiled brightly and pulled him in for a tight, soul-crushing hug. “Awesome! I was so worried you were goin’ to say no.” 

Ray hugged him tighter and he could feel the air being sucked out of him. His lungs almost deflated on him. 

_No?_

What had be meant by that? Of course he wasn’t going to say no to Ray, even if his feelings weren't returned or anything like that. Ray was a very cool guy; the type of guy Nate would be glad to show off as his friend. The guy was brilliant, gorgeous, sweet, kind, and everything else good imaginable. He was straight out of a fairytale or something magical like that.

He felt something building beneath his thoughts, and no, he shook his head, that wasn’t going to happen. Not now. Ray needed him and he intended on being there for him.

Nate calmed himself down before he broke down into another panic attack. He could handle hugs, but a tight embrace like the one Ray’s could possibly send him into another panic attack.

“Why’d I say that?” He finally found his voice after Ray released him from the hug.

Ray shrugged his shoulders. “Dunno. I just thought, you know … uh, never mind.” He rubbed Nate’s shoulder affectionately. “I’m glad you said yes.”

“Okay?” Nate raised an eyebrow in confusion. He was so lost. What the heck was Ray talking about. He’d never refuse Ray unless he was going to make an absolute idiot of himself. And he'd find a way around that, too.

“Yeah, it’s great to have your input,” Ray said, scratching his head with his other hand since he hadn’t taken his hand on Nate’s shoulder. “I love Sara and Jax and Mick and Professor Stein and Amaya … it’s just … I can’t,” he continued to stumble on his words until he finally stoped talking. 

“Ray?” Nate smiled at him and tried so hard not to melt under Ray’s gaze, or at his hand on his shoulder. “I understand.”

“You do?” Ray sighed in relief. “I thought you won’t but I saw … I didn’t want to get it wrong.”

“You didn’t.”

It took everything in him to not melt and become a bubbling idiot at Ray’s gorgeous smile. He was such a beautiful person, inside and outside, and Nate would go back and forth hell for him. He would do anything for that man.

Absolutely anything. 

He sighed contently.

“You okay there?” Ray nudged at him gently. “For a minute, I thought you were … shouldn't talk about that, right. Sorry.”

Nate looked up at him confusedly but then it settled back in. 

Oh, that.

“Oh.” 

He bit his lower lip. 

Gosh, he didn't want to talk about that again. Of course, he should had known that Ray was going to remember about his panic attacks. He wasn’t ashamed of his episodes, but he hadn't shown Ray his best self. 

“I can’t wait to see what awesome design you have for the Atom suit. Should be fun! I love being your friend, Ray,” he tried for a happier note, throwing away all of those unnecessary thoughts floating around in his head, and punching Ray gently on the chest.

“Friend?” Nate could swear Ray’s face fell for a second there. There went that assurance that Ray felt the same way he felt. But he could never be too sure. Ray was just too darn totin’ hard to figure out since he was so nice all the time. “Right.”

“Ray,” he tried in the gentlest voice he could manage, “did I say something?”

“No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry ‘bout it.” Ray was quick to defend himself. “So, the lab?”

“Yeah.”

Nate felt his heart twitching painfully against his chest. Had he just misread the situation? What if Ray wanted to spend more time with him, and not as friends? Oh, god, what if … had he ruined something between them before it had actually started?

No. 

It couldn’t be.

It just couldn't be.

Ray probably wanted something else from him, but not what Nate wanted from him. He didn't know what but that made a lot more sense than Ray being crushed by them being labeled “friends.” 

Yeah, that had to be it. There were no other explanations for it.

He could ask Ray and get the correct answer, but, no, he wouldn't do that. It wasn't anything serious; he didn’t have to clear the air between them.

He continued walking beside Ray; his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“I…” Ray started to say but then stopped. “It’s nothing.” He laughed it off.

Nate felt Ray’s eyes burning into him, searching for something, but always returning empty-handed. That was weird. He really had upset Ray and he didn't even apologize to him. God, he was an awful friend.

“Ray—”

“No,” Ray cut him off, as he stopped walking, and placed his hand firmly on Nate’s chest. Nate’s heart almost leaped out of his chest. “Never mind.”

Ray didn't remove his hand.

Nate’s heart started to beat so crazily and violently that he felt like it’d burst inside of his chest. Literally. He lost the will to speak or to even move. He stood there frozen like snow after a rainstorm.

He tried to calm himself down but he couldn’t. Thank god, he wasn’t someone who blushed like crazy in an embarrassing situation. Or else his cheeks would be flashing red hot right now. And he’d embarrass himself so badly that he wouldn't be able to face Ray for days.

“Nate? You okay?” Ray’s voice pulled him away from his thought. “Are you goin’ into another, you know?” Ray’s eyes got softly affectionately and concerned.

After what felt like forever, Nate managed to find his voice, but his heart still hadn’t stopped beating so crazily. “No, I’m just … lost in thought.”

“Oh.” Ray chuckled. “Am I that boring?” he ended on a slightly crushed note.

_No, you aren’t!_ He wanted to slap himself on the head. This was so not his day. He was actually making things worse than they were.

What was wrong with him?

“No, of course not.” He stood there awkwardly next to Ray. “I’m just —”

“No, Nate, you overthink things.” Ray smiled at him. “It’s okay, really. So, the lab?”

“Yeah.” He found himself agreeing.

“Great!” Ray beamed at him. “Huh, I wasn’t wrong, would you look at that,” Ray whispered to himself but Nate heard every word.

Nate was so confused. Sure, he had made a fool of himself, but why was Ray sending all of these mixed signals to him? Regardless of what Ray felt toward him, Nate wasn’t going to rush into this, whatever this was. He would hang out with him first, and maybe, then maybe, something would click between them.

He’d find that connection he had longed for his whole life in Ray’s, romantically or platonically.

He’d take whatever he can get.

Sure, he wanted one more than the other, but anything with Ray would be perfect.


	4. Part Four

Ray looked so darn handsome working on his suit. Nate just wanted to take a seat back, popped some popcorn, and watched him, with that deep longing gaze. He was so lovesick that he can’t see Ray without wanting fling himself in those warm, soft, beautiful hands.

But he couldn’t.

He had to take this slow. Find out if Ray wanted the same thing he wanted. Rushing into this would be so bad. Plus, there was the issue of his nerves fraying up until he was an absolute wreck every time he he was around Ray now.

He probably should fix that first; it was more important than anything else.

But he didn't want to dig that _deep_ into his insecurities. That was just too tough for him. He was clearly not ready to face them, if he learned anything these past two days.

“Nate?”

Ray’s sweet, mellow voice tore him away from his thoughts.

“Yeah.” He turned his head around and unclasped his hands together. “Need any help?”

“Sure.” Ray looked at him and laughed quietly. “So, wanna talk about it?”

Nate blinked a few times.

“About my—” He swallowed painfully. He really didn't want to talk about about his panic attacks. Ray was too darn nice for his own good. “Panic attacks? Nay, I’m good,” he brushed it off, brushing off the dusts that had fallen on his black t-shirt.

“No.” Ray looked at him strangely. “About why you’re so afraid to ask me out? I think I’m approachable. I am, right, you know, easy to approach? I don’t give off a weird vibe or something, right?”

Nate sunk into his seat. His heart tightened in his chest. Ray had just dropped a bomb on him. So, he hadn't been noticing things.

“Um,” he began, staring at Ray straight in the eyes. He can do this. He had dealt with this type of confrontation before. Why can’t he be the way he was with Masoka? “I dunno,” he lamely ended and shrugged. “Are you — does this make things _weird_ between us?”

“What? No, Nate, why would you think that?” Ray dropped the design and rushed to his side. “You _weren’t_ exactly too subtle.”

“Oh.” The color left his face. Was Ray being nice to him because he was Ray? “Sorry. Didn’t want you to feel too weirded this soon.”

Ray looked at him and just smiled. “Nate, I’d like to, uh, if you don’t mind, have dinner, watch a movie, or just hang out. Just the two of us.”

Huh?

“I shoulda said somethin’ earlier.” Ray ran a hand through his hair. Nate wondered how soft, thick, and silk-y it would feel if he could run his hands through that luxurious hair. “I didn't want to. You didn't seem ready. But I couldn’t let you continue pining. I get pining and it’s awful. And Sara threatened to throw me out of the ship if I don’t ‘clean this lovesickness up in her ship.’ Her words, not mine.”

“Lovesickness?” he mouthed the words. “Sara knew?”

Ray laughed. “Yeah, I guess she really does know everything.”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded.

“So?” Ray pressed. “You need more time or?”

“Um.” He took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this. This was what he wanted to do. But if he actually said yes to Ray then he would have to put a ‘label’ on their relationship and he just couldn’t do that. “Raincheck?”

“‘Course. Whatever you need.” Ray didn't sound defeated or wrecked; he was just so understandable. Nate loved that about Ray. 

“Yeah, I just have to work out some things.” He smiled and wanted to fling himself into Ray’s arms. To feel that warmth, the sheltered and protected feeling, and that comfort. “I do want this, though. Just … not right now … I’m _just_ not ready for this. I thought I was but I’m clearly not.”

“Hey,” Ray said softly and oh, so beautifully; he cupped Nate’s chin in his palms. It took everything in him to not lean into that warmth, or to press his lips against Ray’s. But he wasn’t ready. And he couldn't ruin this thing with Ray. “You take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here when you’re ready. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

They stood like that for a minute, lips inches apart, before Ray finally pulled away.

“Okay, so, yeah, that,” Ray said, blushing. “Uh, I’m gonna go. Mick needs my help with his, uh, tie.”

Nate resisted to the urge to roll his eyes at Ray’s awkwardness. It was cute. Was that how he was when he was flustered? “Mick doesn’t wear _a_ suit.”

“Yeah, he’s trying it out for lady friend,” Ray continued, not looking at Nate, but at the floor, twirling his toes nervously against the titles. 

“Lady friend? I didn't know Mick had someone.”

“Yeah, it’s fire.”

“What?” Nate paused briefly. “Ray? I guess you should go help Mick with his 'date.'"

“No,” Ray protested weakly, “I mean yes.”

“Okay.”

“Want to hug it out?”  


Did he want to hug it out? Yes, more than anything else, but if he ever hug Ray, he may never leave.

“Sure. Bro-hug?”

“Yeah.” Ray blushed like crazy. “Sure.”

He opened his hands and gripped Nate’s shoulders tightly before going on for the hug. His lips were pressed against the nape of Nate’s neck. Nate trembled slightly. This was good. He could live with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've like two prompts for SteelAtom (a nice anon requested them on tumblr when I asked for SteelAtom prompts, someone who've read my fics, I think this one) so I'd be working on those. Should be fun. And I honestly want to read a rewrite of S2 LoT with a SteelAtom's focus, so I'm going to write it. Those fics are always so amazing.
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://my-allisondiamond-world.tumblr.com.)


	5. Part Five

It was so darn tootin’ tough to dig into his insecurities, but this was something he should had done a _very_ long time ago. But he was always so, oh, so scared of what he may end up finding. Nothing too bad, he was sure, but some _bad_ distance memories.

He stared at his reflection in the mug, as the steam rose up to his face, and tried to remind himself he could do this. 

“Hey.” He felt a hand squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. He looked up at Ray and smiled. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a-okay.” He rolled his eyes and puckered up his lips. “It’s just that _thinking_ about my, uh, issues is a hella lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Oh,” Ray said and took a seat behind him, “I understand. Before Anna, she was my, uh, fiancé.” His eyes got soft and oh, so pained. Nate’s heart twitched painfully in his chest. “Before Anna, well, I was, uh, always pushing myself to separate myself from my twin, Sydney. My family, too. I mean I love them, but uh — well, what I’m saying, it gets better. It’s gonna hurt a lot, but it gets better eventually, and I want to be here for you. Whenever you want me.”

Nate chewed on the bottom half of his lips. “Oh, I didn’t know about … I’m sorry.” He clicked his fingers together. “I mean I knew you had a fiancé, but, uh, yeah.”

Ray licked his lips. “Yeah, I guess it never came up. We were too busy ‘bromancing’ each other.”

Nate laughed and rolled his eyes. “Nah, we were _too_ busy being the oblivious idiots that we truly are.”

“No, we _were_ really ‘bromancing’ each other. I mean I _was_ so glad to have you on the Waverider. Someone like me. I didn’t realize I _had_ fallen for you until Sara pulled me for that stern ‘talk.’ She’s really the _captain._ ”

“Oh.” His eyes dropped to the table. 

Ray looked at him, eyes wide and big, and his mouth formed a perfect little ‘o.’ “Nate, did you always have feelings for me?”

He wanted to chew on something so badly, but he couldn’t, not really. He forced himself to look up at Ray, and hopefully, his eyes didn't give anything away, but he always had the most _expressive_ eyes. It was both a cursed and a blessing.

“You did?” Ray looked at him and swallowed. “You really did. So, huh, I was really oblivious.”

He took a few deep breaths in and out when he felt his lungs _this_ close to closing up on him before actually saying anything. 

“Yeah, but I was, too,” he let out in a low, pitchy voice; his nerves fraying up on him. 

_Oh, my gosh! Not again._

He closed his eyes and warned himself to take it slow. After a good minute or longer, he was fine, well, a bit nervy, but it _wasn’t_ that bad.

Ray was still there, unsure of what to do, but he offered a soft, soothing look, with those memorizing eyes of his, and that was all Nate needed.

“Did I, uh, say something?” He looked so lost, so regretful, like a little kicked puppy and Nate wanted nothing more in the moment than to just hold him. But he really couldn’t do that, not now, anyway. “Because if I, I didn't mean to. You said you wanted space, and, I, oh, haven’t given you space. I should have.”

“No, no!” Nate had this wide, innocence look mixed with some hurt. “I’m fine. My episodes just come and go. It’s not because of you, Ray. I just _haven’t_ gotten them this serious since my ex-girlfriend senior year of college.”

“Oh, okay.” He still seemed to be blaming himself. “Yeah, I should continue working on my suit.”

“If that is what you want.”

He will miss Ray’s company, but they really did spend a lot of time together, as it was , so it would probably be a good thing if they weren't always together. And he really needed to work out his problems. Having Ray would just take him away from facing those issues.

So, yeah, Ray working on his suit, without Nate geeking out how flipping cool it was, was fine with him.

If Ray actually asked to work on the suit with him, he would just think about Ray, his beautiful face, and gosh, he might even end up undressing him with his eyes. To actually see Ray, oh gosh, with his shirt off, to see those abs, that perfectly toned body, that gorgeous skin, those amazing pecs — oh god, he would get so … this was _so inappropriately_ wrong on so many different levels.

Thankfully, he didn’t get _flustered_ too easily, not like Ray, anyway. But those darn eyes of his — they were really the window(s) into his soul. If Ray were looking into them, he’d be seeing exactly what Nate was thinking, and that might give him the wrong impression.

“Nate, hey, Nate!” Ray waved his hand in front of his face. “You okay? You dozed off there for a minute.”

“Yeah.” He looked at Ray, and oh god, he didn't seem fazed or anything. Had he not seen that Nate was undressing him? Anyone in the room would — he was sure he reeked of sexual tension. “You didn’t … thank god!”

“Didn’t what?” Ray asked confusedly, squinting his eyes.

Nothing. It was nothing.” He laughed. “I thought you were going to work on your suit.”

“Yeah, but I was worried you went into another, you know, panic attack.” Ray leaned in closer to him until his breath was hot on Nate’s face. “You didn’t? You don’t have to tell me. I know you aren’t ready to talk about it, but I’m _here_ , always will be here, if you ever need to talk.”

“Ray,” he began, “when I’m ready, I’ll come see you. I promise. Alrighty?”

“Good. I’m _so_ bad at this.” He leaned in closer until his forehead was pressed to Nate’s but then he pulled away. “You, know, waiting. I actually stalked Felicity. Like I shouldn't have done that. But you know, she was _perfect_! And I couldn't let Kendra go — I did eventually, but I didn't want to. I loved her.”

Nate listened attentively and nodded in agreement. The last person he felt for like he did for Ray was this girl back when he was fresh out of college, but she, uh, constantly sheltered him, because of his condition. 

His hemophilia. 

She didn't treat him like that on purpose, but it still hurt that she _had_ to always be that careful around him, and not treat him as her equal.

That was one of the reasons they hadn't worked out. The other being they drifted apart.

“—but you _are_ different from Felicity and Kendra. Not that they weren’t perfect. They were! You’re _just_ different. And I just don’t wanna screw things up with you before they actually happen. I’ve never had anyone _like_ me, really like me, rather than wheeling me in to fill in that sore spot of past lover for a while now,” Ray continued in a warm, honest, and reassuringly voice.

“Oh.”

Nate really had used as a substitute for any of his girlfriends and his one boyfriend before. He let a lot of crushes go but not this. 

He knew about the whole Kendra and Ray and Carter’s situation, but from what he heard, Ray didn’t actually let any of the members of the team in. Of course, there was the Felicity and Ray and Oliver’s situation. 

Oh, gosh, Ray always seemed so happy, and ugh, oh god, he should had seen that he was anything but fine.

“I promise you’re not a substitute for an ex-lover or a potential one. I really like you, Ray, because you’re like the coolest dude I’ve ever met.” He smiled and Ray smiled back at him. “I just need to work some things out. And then we can annoy the heck out of Sara!”

Ray shot him a look.

“What? I really like her and she has my respect and all, but she’s _such_ a mom.” He sticked his tongue out. 

Ray shot him another look and shook his head crazily.

“Gosh, like why can’t I do things my way? My way is good. It really is!” he dragged the words out to show his annoyance. “Come on, she thinks ‘The Legion of Doom’ is a dumb name. It really isn’t. You think so, don’t you?”

Ray mouthed something to him, but he didn't pay attention to it.

“I know. She’s our captain. She knows what’s best and all. But you can’t disagree that she is such a drag!”

“Nate, you should really stop!” Ray warned him in a low voice.

“Why? You know it’s true!” Nate looked up this time and found himself staring directly into Sara’s face. “How much did you hear?”

“Everything from ‘I’m such a mom’ and after.”

He gulped. “I didn't mean that. I was — we were just joking around. Being the idiots that we really are.”

“Just meet us in the main room. We’ve a potential sighting on Eobard Thawne and his associates.”

“The Legion of Doom!” he piped up looking at Ray for support.

“Yeah, The Legion of Doom!” Ray smiled.

“Don’t push it!”

“Right, madam.”

They walked side by side, with Sara leading the way, and he’d brush shoulders with Ray occasionally. 

He was good. 

This was good. 

Ray was the best thing to happen to him in a very long time.

 


End file.
